And
 so it came to pass that Bulster finally sacked Dictator Dickie and 
named a new supremo, finding the ideal replacement in a tough Scouser, 
Prof Baddy Nix-off. Baddy has a proven track record of corporate 
bullying “down under” having in just three years sacked a cool 15% of 
his staff @ Tassie University, and earned a formidable reputation for 
conducting summary dismissals. Hence staff at Tassie now collectively 
refer to forced redundancy as getting the “Nix-off”. But old Baddy talks
 a pretty good board-room yarn as he’s now become the highest paid 
public figure in Northern Ireland, and one of the top uni “fat cats” 
across the UK. At Bulster the very utterance of his name has swiftly 
become the ultimate managerial expletive!
Having
 quickly taken command, Baddy said “he looked forward to working with 
the Northern Ireland Political Executive to ensure the higher education 
sector fulfils the ambitions of young people and contributes to economic
 growth”.  Within a month he had announced massive course closures and a
 comprehensive programme of sackings at Bulster which could only be 
achieved by compulsory redundancy. "Jimmy-boy", actor
 and Bulster chancellor who Dictator Dickey had affectionately dubbed 
“Bilbo’s Elf”, had summarily praised Baddy’s  “dynamic appointment at an
 exciting time for…staff, students and partners…” but so far Bulster has
 seen nothing but programme cancellations and staff dismissals.  Within a
 few miserable months Bluster University confirmed a series of cutbacks,
 1,250 student places lost across the four university campuses and over 
200 staff sackings, most of then effectively compulsory severances.
Blaming
 this corporate tsunami on the NI Executive, Baddy regretted that his 
necessary “budget cuts "will have far reaching consequences for our 
young people and our local economy….We cannot absorb further cuts so now
 more than ever, we must be decisive. We must strengthen our focus on 
the sustainable delivery of high quality teaching and world-leading 
research that produces graduates with industry ready, relevant skills 
that benefit business and society”. All of this coming from a Uni leader
 who had negotiated close to double the salary and benefits package of 
his predecessor, Dictator Dicky. Oh and the existing VC Residence has 
not proven good enough for Baddy- he's taken to first class digs while 
the official palace is refurbished, a sad evidence that he probably 
intends to stay!
Posturing
 that this corporate blood on the college carpet could not be avoided, 
Baddy has went on to say that  “In making these decisions, a number of 
factors have been taken into consideration, including student demand, 
attrition rates, student satisfaction, employment statistics and 
research performance” all of this coming from a uni chief whose time at 
Tassie had been marked by an unprecedented problem of college retention 
and disastrous staff morale. Baddy’s time at Tassie had also coincided 
with a massive cheating scandal at the uni’s law faculty and a rash of 
staff suicides.
Regular
 readers of this blog may recall a previous submission back in October 
23, 2015 on the specific problem of bullying at Australian regional 
universities. The evidence from more than 22,000 university staff 
suggested that academics in Ozzie regional universities were more likely
 to experience bullying compared to those at other types of 
universities. The survey, which looked at working life in 19 different 
universities across Australia, was set up to test whether the anecdotal 
complaints of colleagues were more than traditional complaints of 
academics about freedom, autonomy and managerialism.
This
 major report into university bullying uncovered a veritable crisis of 
staff harassment in regional colleges, of which Bulster’s new man, Baddy
 featured all too prominently. A distinguished Arts Professor at Tassie 
noted that “Baddy had taken a purely monetary view of research”. Staff 
who could not bring in enough money quickly got the “Nix-off”. Even some
 of the most highly regarded staff got their marching orders because 
their continued presence at Tassie was regarded as “economically 
unviable”.
A
 suicide note from a long-time staffer at Tassie recorded that “my life 
has become unbearable…this is no longer a university.. Whatever one’s 
publication record one no longer has a place in college unless one could
 get sufficient financial dosh…idiots who managed to bribe their way 
unto public grants now run the show ….” Several press investigations by 
Hobart journalists were threatened by Tassie university lawyers, and 
Tassie staff who got a pay-off were made a sign “gagging orders” that 
excluded any further public comment on university affairs.
There
 is a rumour that as soon as Baddy arrived at Bulster he ordered a 
U-Turn on Bulster’s intended sacking of HR director “Mad Bonnie” Magoo. 
“Bonnie” had got himself into a bit of trouble with the police over 
corporate threats and perversion of justice. Baddy seems to have assured
 “Bonnie” that all could be forgiven as long as his “black arts” could 
be more corporately focused. Immediately Bonnie’s disciplinary 
suspension was lifted…..There is gossip too that old “Bonnie” actually 
managed to get a pay rise. Fresh from the police cells and a long spell 
of college “gardening leave” “Bonnie” now finds himself reinstated as 
the Hitlerian Hermann Goebels of Baddy’s corporate bullying operation at
 Bulster.
Recently,
 at Australia’s Newcastle Uni a senior professor said in confidence that
 the only college in the country which was worse for governance failings
 and staff bullying was Tassie. And of all the places in all the world 
the boffins at Bulster could look for Dictator Dicky’s replacement, they
 found Baddy Nix-off in the very Van Diemen’s land of Oz.  And so it has
 come to pass that Bulster has found precisely the right man to replace 
Dictator Dicky, a man whose corporate shirt-sleeves are suitably 
blood-stained and who knows the price of everything and the value of 
nothing.
Stay
 tuned for the next instalment as Baddy consolidates his power, more 
staff get fired, and a new regime of bullying establishes itself. 
Meanwhile we hear that forcible retirement has been difficult for Tricky
 Dicky. Having blackmailed the Higher Education Minister to get a 
parting honour (yes the very Minister caught in an embarrassing late 
night mélange les trois with Dictator 
Dicky) retirement has been tough! He failed even to get shortlisted as 
chief-executive of a lowly regional technical college and the invites 
unto trusteeships have been sparse! And his dream of remaining as 
“president mentor” to his successor was quickly scotched as Baddy 
Nix-off brings in his own “dream team” of scavengers and mercenaries 
from his black academic past!
ADVISORY… This
 is a work of humorous parody and any similarities with persons or 
places real or imagined is purely a matter of coincidence. 
If
 you’ve been bullied at your F/HE institution don’t hesitate to 
confidentially contact the Bullied Academics forum. Victims may complain
 without penalty under their college procedures or consider making a 
complaint to their local police. Where the police are contacted bullying
 usually ceases immediately. The e-mail address is bullied.academics@yahoo.co.uk











