...So that this book may be of maximum practical value, this chapter sets forth in point form some helpful hints for the professors, secretaries, and students who sit on harassment tribunals...
These tips are for the modal situation, where the tribunal needs to bring down a finding of Dr. PITA's guilt and a recommendation for punishment. Cases where Dr. PITA herself appeals to the tribunal are easier to deal with, usually by finding a plausible way to rule her complaint out of jurisdiction...
1. The tribunal should extend its jurisdiction or catchment area however broadly is required to take up the complaint against Dr. PITA - whether the incident occurred on campus or off, in his professional role or outside it.
2. Ideally, Dr. PITA should be found guilty of something before he finds out what it is...
3. To enlist Dr. PITA's cooperation in his own undoing, confound the roles of counsellor, prosecutor, and judge. In conversations with an official he believes is being friendly, he may make incriminating statements that can later be used against him...
5. Reward accusers...
8. Ignore Dr. PITA's lawyer, if he has one, and forbid the lawyer's presence at the hearing. Explain that domestic tribunals of a university proceed by norms of collegiality, and that legalistic, adversarial measures are out of the place.
9. If the faculty association or other bodies attempt to intervene on Dr. PITA's behalf, accuse them of trying to exert undue influence...
10. Ignore claims that the tribunal is biased against him. Respond as one chair did: "I am satisfied that this committee member has no apprehension of bias."
11. Disregard evidence in Dr. PITA's favour on substantive grounds...
12. Disregard evidence in Dr. PITA's favour on procedural grounds...
13. If there is evidence that Dr. PITA has discussed the case outside the tribunal (he may admit, for instance, having talked about it to his wife...), charge him with breach of confidentiality...
16. Ignore the references to context that Dr. PITA is almost sure to make...
18. Try to provoke Dr. PITA into losing his temper or doing something rash, then make appropriate additional charges...
19. In the report at the end, find Dr. PITA guilty of something, even if it is not what he was initially charged with...
23. The report should include innuendo so damaging to Dr. PITA that he will not himself release it publicly, however strong his objections...
24. Do not release the report publicly, lest the tribunal be revealed as a kangaroo court...
From: "Eliminating Professors. A Guide to the Dismissal Process", by Kenneth Westhues, published by Kempner Collegium, 1998.